you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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