I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
