i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
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They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
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I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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