Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
