Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
