Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.