You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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