I puked a lego.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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