the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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