It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
