drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
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Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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