You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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