I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
