thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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