You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
