He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
