I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
