my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
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