Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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