singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
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My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
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I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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