all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
