Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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