fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
