HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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