census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
