so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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