i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
