I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
They should really pass out barf bags in church
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
