Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
