Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
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