I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
