yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize