I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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