I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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