I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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