This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
