if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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