I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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