I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
