I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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