she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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