I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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