I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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