Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
