Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
