guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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