3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
