tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
