the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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