The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
