yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
