i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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