Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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