i will never coherently bang her
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
