I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
