I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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