Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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