Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
