Just fell off a train. Bad.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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