You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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